My most anxious moments in life all happened when I expected something to go my way and it didn’t. Thoughts of frustration, irritation and disappointment, pounding heart and a sense of dread. It was all my own doing, whatever it was. Maybe I didn’t know it at the time, but with some reflection, it was pretty clear: I had set myself up. It’s a funny thing actually thinking that I can always get my way, or expect people to do what I think they should do. I was once a teenager, after all, so I should have remembered that… no one likes being told what to do!

“Just like in childhood, our inner circle has the power to lift us up or bring us down.”

After years of life and work experiences, a marriage and raising two children, and a master’s degree in psychology, you’d think I would have figured all this out. You would think I would have learned my lesson, or two. Of course not. I’m human. You know the definition of human? BBC Earth provides this definition: “To be human is to be at the centre of our own universe, to experience life in all its colours and all its potential.” Guess it’s fair to say that if you believe you are the center of the universe you may have some issues dealing with other humans who also think they are the center of the universe.

To improve my personal skills, I dive into books and podcasts trying to gain knowledge from other humans who are smarter than I am; and there are a lot out there! The best read so far this year is “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. Reading TLTT through audible is actually taking me weeks to get through because of its thought provoking material. It’s as if Mel is talking right to me—that she knows what I’ve done and is calling me out. This is like therapy in your car, which makes driving to work and making the mental shift to do your job a little difficult. You may want to be cautious reading this book as it reveals some personal truths and causes you to take a good look at yourself and what you expect of others.

Recently, Mel and Gary Keller, executive chairman of the board at Keller Williams Realty, met and discussed the impact TLTT could have on sales people. So, if you’re not a big reader but you want to know how to “Let Others” do their thing and you do your thing, here’s a few tips that Mel and Gary share…

Focus on What You Control: Your power lies in your thoughts and behaviors, which is a good thing, right?!

Let Go of Other People’s Opinions: Decide who you want to be and go for it. You are living your life based on what you want and where you want to go!

Own Your Time: You only have so much time—you are human after all—so enjoy this life and live with no regrets!

Accept, Don’t Control, Others: No one can control you unless you let them, and no one likes to be controlled.

Confront Fear With Action: Gary’s advice is, “Don’t dismiss fear—seek to understand it. If it’s blocking your progress, seek support and mentorship.”

Lead With Love and Service: Mel defines love as “admiring people as they are, without trying to change them.” Gary says: “People matter most. If you help others get what they want, you’ll have the best life possible.”

It’s this kind of leadership and self-awareness that makes life—and work—so much more meaningful. The people we surround ourselves with matter. They always have. Just like in childhood, our inner circle has the power to lift us up or bring us down.

It’s easy to overlook how much of a choice that is. But when we give our relationships the same intentionality we give to choosing a life partner, we tend to make better choices—and feel better too.

So, next time you’re wound up about someone not meeting your expectations? Take a deep breath, smile, and let it go. You’ve got better things to do.