We’re going on a bear hunt
I’ve got my binoculars
I’m not scared
—“Bear Hunt” by Kiboomers
Teaching preschoolers full time has been an enlightening experience for me on so many levels. One of the greatest lessons came through a child’s song. Sometimes you just have to go through the muck in life to get to the light. While this truth can be useful to any life roadblock, it is especially applicable to empty-nesters transitioning into a life with more freedoms; a new chapter where the consuming parental responsibilities they performed for 18-plus years are no longer.
As a lover of all genres of music, I’m always playing tunes in the classroom. However, I’ve found my littles prefer the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” to Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds.” Go figure. I mostly accommodate and therefore am exposed to the beautiful litany of early childhood music. All. Day. Long. One song that has resonated with me is titled “Bear Hunt.”
“During this stage, I’m embracing what is.”
“Bear Hunt” is sung by two people who are literally going on a bear hunt and encounter obstacles along the way. (It is noted that hunting bears is frowned upon these days.) As they hike upon their first of several obstacles, a field of tall wavy grass, the couple recognizes that they must face the issue head on:
Ooh, look at the tall, wavy grass
It’s so tall
We can’t go over it
We can’t go under it
We’re just gonna have to go through it
Swish, swish, swish, swish
As with most child-based movies, books or songs, there’s usually a message or lesson most adults can easily infer. “Bear Hunt” seems to me a metaphor for facing life’s tough moments head on. In other words, we just have to go through the hard experience to make it to the other side. All other ways only work for so long.
Empty-nesting is an ever-evolving roller coaster no one can possibly be prepared for. Just like in the “Bear Hunt” song, I tried to “go over it” by ignoring the reality of children being gone. I kept super busy for distraction purposes, often not coming home ’til late. When I was home, I avoided the emptiness by having friends over or watching movie after movie. But that became somewhat exhausting.
My attempts to “go under it” also flopped. I tried to connect regularly with my flown birds, calling and texting a little too much. That didn’t go over super well. They are busy beings with a lot of “newness” going on, and chatting too often causes conversations to fall flat for lack of things to talk about. I didn’t intend to smother, but really wanted to know what was going on in their worlds. It wasn’t long before I recognized they are becoming independent adults who will share when they are ready. The best I could do is be available, so I slowed my roll and allowed a natural rhythm of communication to happen. It’s not nearly as often as I’d like, but I accept this.
I’m just approaching the third stage of my “Bear Hunt” where I “go through it.” During this stage, I’m embracing what is. I chat maybe once a week with my kids, send care packages, and exchange humorous Instagram posts. I’ve learned to lean into change by trying new activities, expanding my social circle, and embracing the quiet alone. The thing is, there is no “other side” of empty-nesting; it’s ever-changing. So, as the “Bear Hunt” song suggests, you just have to “swish” your way through it.
